In my recent post, I admitted that I’m not feeling good about my skin right now. And there are a few things that have caused me to feel more insecure about it.
You know what I’ve noticed? That most women give power to other people to make them feel beautiful. Probably, because we are seeking acceptance.
Some kind of validation, that we’re beautiful in someone’s eyes, or in most cases, in anyone’s eyes. So what’s wrong with this?
I don’t like to feel weak, and I hate it even more when someone has that power over me. Especially somebody that, I don’t even know.
Do I need someone to tell me how pretty I look, so I can feel good about myself?
Compliments are always nice to get, but if my self-worth depends on them, then there got to be something wrong with that.
The compliment made me happy, because I have actually allowed someone to put a value on me. It’s a cheap way to boost my confidence. So why did this happen?
I have a bad breakout on my skin, then I got a terrible haircut and the guy who been giving me non-stop flirty looks before, finally saw me without makeup and with my recent hairdo, and totally gave me a cold shoulder right after. Like seriously, dude?
And when I said a terrible haircut…do you remember that “Friends” episode, where Phoebe accidentally gave Monica the wrong haircut? Yup, I’m Monica/Dustin Hoffman now.
But that’s not the worse. It’s the guy that bothers me.
The guy who I don’t even know, the guy that I’m not even interested in from the beginning. I got all the attention from him in my better skin and hair day, but as soon as those things were stripped away from me, he treated me like I’m a walk by cockroach. A little melodramatic, but you got the point.
I know, because I was already feeling bad about how I look and when that happened, it added up to the low self-esteem.
But I see this with many girls and women too, how we just give up that power to anyone to make us feel worthy.
I see how someone’s face lights up when she received a compliment about her look, or the disappointment in her face when she doesn’t hear one, especially when she’s taken time to get ready. Or when her friend get complimented and she doesn’t – yeah, you know what I’m talking about.
And it’s not only the people we know that have that effect on us. But even strangers have the power to make us feel bad, about being ourselves.
I want to take that power back.
Men stand differently in this than us. Most men don’t care about it because they don’t expect compliments.
But women do.
Women are used to get compliments and attentions and if they suddenly stop, we immediately ask ourselves “What’s wrong with me? Don’t I look good today?”
We think getting admiring looks and being told that we’re beautiful, are part of our birthright. When instead, we should treat them like sugar in our coffee. Yes, it does make the coffee taste better but do we really need it?
If you’re used to the attention, most likely that’s how you measure yourself too. This could become a bad case of addiction, if you only live for compliments.
I think the only way to cure this need for attention is to practice self-love, and stop seeking validation in the wrong places.
I need to remind myself (everyday), that I am worthy, even with my bad skin and hair.
But there’s also another reason, why it is important to gain that power back.
It’s for rainy days, like when someone tries to make you feel shit about yourself, but it won’t crush you, because you know your self-worth, and you don’t allow anyone to step all over it.
It’s like super power.
Awww, thanks Ryan. Now take off your shirt.